I reviewed two essays from my classmates. One essay I read I believe I added some very beneficial comments and that will help my peer progress between drafts. A handful of the comments I added were relating to the Evidence portion. I thought that my peer could use some more perspectives from other authors in order to strengthen their argument and develop their essay further. They were discussing how technology influences the increasing rates of depression in individuals. I gave them an idea that I thought would be beneficial to their argument. Twenge discusses specific statistics and studies pertaining to increased rates of depression, so I thought that would be beneficial to add because it would add scientific evidence of the negative effects of technology. I added another comment of the same category of suggesting some evidence to add. This one was adding some evidence from Richtel, because their idea was discussing how technology affects our productivity. Richtel directly discusses this negative relationship between productivity and technology and how it affects a young teenager in his education. I thought this would be an interesting point to add because it correlates with their idea of productivity, but adds another perspective of someone else who has witnessed technology affecting their productivity.

Some comments I added pertained to the Idea category. I added one comment that I thought was really beneficial and I said that their thesis was worded very clearly and strongly, and it was stated directly and made it clear to the reader what they were arguing. I also added a comment where I stated that I liked how my peer incorporated the opposing viewpoint of their argument, and rather than just stating how the opposing viewpoint is wrong, they stated how we can use technology in an alternative and more effective way to counteract the negative side effects of it. I think that using the opposing viewpoint in an effective manner can really strengthen an argument because it allows the reader to see in this case why technology is necessary in our society, but how we need to learn how to effectively use it.

My main organization comments were just pertaining to adding certain ideas from other authors or from their own personal experiences. I think especially when trying to argue a certain point, it is so important to include your own personal experiences. This way the reader can see how the writer is connected and passionate about the subject they are writing about.

The essays I provided comments on:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1Tc5H7wznk00VmLDKiLaQh_MmLzV1R4cBdzjoKY_3k3M/edit

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1pAbO3baG_2se3GoWHEEajM-kloXjfCCcr29UOgPONiw/edit