The first global revision I made was in my paragraph discussing the mental health effects of technology use. I had a lot of evidence from authors and I found it was a little dense with information and evidence, so I decided to add more personal experience to the paragraph and how I could relate to what the authors were saying. I specifically talked about my social media use and how I often compare myself to others on social media, which is an idea that Twenge specifically discusses, so my personal experience relates nicely to the ideas of the authors. By adding a personal connection to that paragraph, it shows the reader how I am personally connected to the ideas presented by the other authors and to the topic I am writing about.

The second global revision I made was reworking the ends of some paragraphs to connect the ideas I wrote about to my thesis and how they relate back to unhappy lives. I found that I was simply just implying the reader would be able to connect what I was saying back to my thesis without directly stating how the two relate to each other. This is an ineffective way of strengthening your argument because you are not directly stating here are my ideas and here is why they support my argument, which is more effective and easier for the reader to understand.